The rabbi published “Understanding and constructing love,” a book that helps you be better with your chosen person. What happens when there is aggression and the four keys to making the bond work. Also why today relationships are fairer. The ebook can be downloaded for free and read on any phone, tablet or computer.
What makes the difference love couple of other loves? Is love in crisis? What comes into play when a relationship is toxic? Can love disappear?
The idea of the book Isaac Sacca arose from his experience as rabbi listening to and observing couples, boyfriends, married couples. “I noticed that couples lacked education regarding love,” he says. Sacca. “Those things are supposed to arise spontaneously and they don't. In my role of rabbi, when preparing and teaching so many couples and interacting with them, I noticed the lack of a simple, easy and instructive text that would awaken attention to properly bond and live happily as a couple. That's how it was born Understanding and construction of love.
Isaac Sacca He was born in the city of Buenos Aires in 1964. He is a descendant of Jews from Syria and Eastern Europe and his great-grandfather was a rabbi born in Aleppo, Syria. Sacca founded the World Youth Organization, Menora. In 1997 he was promoted to Chief Rabbi of the Sephardic Community Association of Buenos Aires (ACISBA). The rabbi is recognized for maintaining dialogues with the entire Jewish people and with leaders of other religions, especially with the Pope Francisco.
Sacca, who has among his favorite works about love The art of Loving de Erich Fromm y The Bible book of proverbs, reflects in his book on the bond of the couple and the commitment of marriage. “It is my desire and hope that this book contributes to the parejas to be happier in the marriage bond", assures Infobae the rabbi
– Why do you believe, as you state in your book, that “love is in crisis”?
– I believe that love is in crisis without a doubt. First of all, people are less predisposed to sacrifice than past generations. Social changes and technological advances - among other things - made us more comfortable. But Love requires delivery, dedication and effort. On the other hand, there is increasing confusion between love and pleasure.
– How is that?
– That generates tremendous confusion, to the point that we think we love when we perceive pleasure and We establish bonds only based on pleasure and not to love. But pleasure fades over time, while love increases. Love was relegated in society's priority table. Today personal success, especially professional success, money and fame are valued much more than love. Other aspects also have an influence, such as the fact that people we want immediate results and we have lost the virtue of patience.
– In one part of the book he states that “When we love, we find meaning.” Do you think that loving gives meaning to our entire life or does it only refer to the emotional?
– When the feeling of love for someone is reached, an internal force is generated that keeps us wanting to stay alive. If we wake up in the morning and realize that there is someone we love, we arm ourselves with strength because we want to share with him or her, give ourselves to him or her, enjoy with him or her. Our life makes sense emotionally. It does us good, we are not talking about a transcendent or metaphysical sense, it is the sensation we feel when we love. Loving is antidepressant.
– When reading the subtitle “Loving is good” I thought of all those relationships that involve suffering, anguish, even abuse or violence, yet the protagonists of these relationships usually affirm that they love each other. How would you define this link?
-We must warn that there are relationships that are not based on love and others that are based on love. Both relationships in which love does not exist - such as the case in which the couple is linked by some gratification, or by some interest and that they call love - and in the case of relationships based on love, if violence exists and aggression has nothing to do with the type of bond, whether it is love or convenience, it has to do with the character of the aggressor in relation to their incontinence and/or lack of morals. The problem is the person who does not control his actions that hurt the other.
– So what's happening?
-In situations where there is love, it may be more difficult for the victim to end the relationship, since love makes one trust that it will not happen again. The person who attacks has a disorder that must be resolved with specialized professionals, since not loving - and even more so loving - is not related to aggression in the face of disagreements or conflicts. In any case, whenever there is aggression, verbal or physical, it is unhealthy relationships that must come to an end, except in the case of aggressors who accept their mistake, change and work for it. It must be remembered that the self love It can never be annulled no matter how much love one feels towards another person.
– How would you describe marriage in the current era?
-Although ways change, the human essence does not. But the change in manners and dynamics in society over time influences the way we bond. You could write a text that describes the wedding in different stages of history, places and cultures. However, we can say that today marriage continues to be the central institution of society and with greater force than in other times in which the institutions of state power, organized or imposed power entities had greater interference in social life. .
– Is that so?
-Today there are more individuals who establish social guidelines and it is individuals who create their own environment, which is marriage, to unite in life. It is there in marriage where the axis of social power lies. On the other hand, it is important to highlight that marriages today are fairer and balanced in relation to the rights and powers, as well as the commitments and obligations assumed by men and women, in comparison with other times in which the bond was unfair and unbalanced. Marriage today is extremely important, just as it always was for the good health of society. It is a natural setting where we can live with healthy emotions, manifest love and companionship, practice mutual support and generosity, learn to live together and form new generations of noble people in a framework committed to love and responsibility.
– Do you think it is a pact and commitment that young people continue to make?
-The most important thing about marriage is that it creates a framework of responsibility for the couple, It is not a selfish bond, it is a bond that is assumed with commitment. Without marriage, the bond between two people is volatile, that topic is covered in the book as well. Young people today also follow the healthy inclinations of the natural instincts of human beings as they have always been. The young man wants to establish his life safely and create an environment of solidity and tranquility. By nature, uncertainty is feared by people. He wedding gives young people a framework containment, it makes them feel good. It is a noble and correct instinct that nature established in us and that young people today continue to seek. However, the more individualistic and self-centered modern culture makes giving difficult and promotes receiving. This trend makes it more difficult to practice today, that is, the commitment is assumed, but as we explained at the beginning, today's generation that is more focused on the individual, makes it more difficult for us to exercise commitments with others. That is the challenge and the path that leads to happiness: making the commitment to give yourself.
– Can love disappear?
-If true love is generated during the bond, love never disappears. It may be that the love generated is negligible or insufficient to counteract certain disagreements. But the love achieved is love that does not disappear. Love is not a flowing emotion. Love is a construction. Actions are what generate love, the more and better actions there are, the more love will be generated. This is developed in the book. Let's take the love of a child. One loves his son, and no matter how much his son attacks him and must defend himself or denounce him, he will love him the same. The feeling of love does not disappear, what disappears is the type of treatment or bond that a mother or father establishes with her immoral child. They may report him to the authorities for his crimes to bring him to justice or stop visiting him or speaking to him, but they will not lose the feeling of love they have acquired.
[”Understanding and construction of love” can be downloaded for free by clicking here.]
-Sometimes, however, there seems to be no more love...
-We consider then that, if love disappears, it means that it did not exist, that one or both parties did not act accordingly for love to arise and the bond of true love was never born, there was only a bond of pleasure or convenience that kept them or keeps them together.
– How do you think the new role of women impacts today's marriages, who are often no longer a housewife but rather a professional working woman who maintains her friendships, her job, her sport and where she does household chores? Are they usually distributed between men and women?
-The new role of women and men in today's marriages is, in my opinion, a positive achievement in the evolution of humanity. Pigeonholing people based on their gender in a specific task is counterproductive for everyone, both men and women. The dynamics of the roles must be allowed to flow and be an agreement between the couple, accepted between them with satisfaction; It should not be a social imposition. Social imposition prevents the personal development of both, prevents the optimization of each person's capabilities and deprives society of the benefits that can emerge from the activity that each person is passionate about.
– What advice would you give to a young couple who is about to get married?
-Telling them to love each other is not only corny, it is also a mistake, love, as you can read in the book, is not a decision, in a process that is built with acts that each of the parties assumes. There are four obligations that distinguish a married person from a single person. I tell all the brides and grooms. What does the wedding ceremony change in the couple? What difference does the act of getting married according to tradition generate?
He realized it late, money, money, money, that was the whole question.